The Great Water Main Break Of 2015: A Survivor’s Story.

I awoke from a deep slumber and attended my sink and, expecting a cool but concentrated torrent of fluorine infused water, was instead greeted by a dull rumbling.  I checked my IPhone 6+, still in its plastic liner.  Two texts from two sources.

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Jan’s First Solo Road Trip

I left Mountaintop after being eliminated from the wiffle ball playoffs; a heartbreaker of a series in which I gave up two home runs to lose game three 8-6.  Danielle brought me a hoagie, Middleswarth Barbecue chips and Turkey Hill green mango tea.  I was on the road for Cooperstown, home of the Baseball Hall of Fame and the source of the Susquehanna River which runs down the mountains toward my hometown.  An uneventful ride cutting through the Appalachians and I was at Ommegang Brewery.  I and a few thousand others.  I parked and found two lines diverged by a trash can full of empty beer bottles.  I took the road more traveled and it made all the difference, because the other line was Will Call.  The queue proceeded quickly as eager fans rushed in to get a taste of Take Forever IPA.

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Being A Dude At A Pre-Bachelorette Party (Some Observations)

I went to a Pre-Bachelorette party on Friday.  If there is one thing I could liken it to, it would be the margins of a high schooler’s yearbook.  I wore a micropenis pin that read Bride’s BITCH.  I also committed a cardinal sin by occasionally drinking beer from a penis straw.  The straw itself was 90% veins, the balls rested at an angle I couldn’t recreate.  I have a habit of chewing plastic so every ounce of willpower was invested in not gnawing on the tip (in a public place.) The gang was astounded when I said that micropenises exist and, instead of being attached to our shirts, are attached to the groin area of a small population of men.

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