Every Acne Commercial: A Transcript

Scene: A house whose owner will not buy anything flamboyant.  All white/chrome everything.  From this we can deduce that this homeowner does not own pets. 

The first non-room shot we get is of a celebrity most relevant to teenagers.

“Hi,” This celebrity says.  “Has acne got you down?  I know that feeling.  I used to be a freak as well.”

We get a shot of said celebrity from maximum 5 years ago.  If you squint really hard you might see three or four tiny pimples that they immediately had lasered off after said photo was taken.

“Absolutely disgusting.  But I found [acne product name] and was finally able to come out of seclusion.”

We get a shot of [acne product name].  Several bottles of varied height and occasionally some kind of scrub that I imagine would feel like sandpapering your blemishes away.

“I tried [acne product] and within 3 weeks (read: 2 weeks after most people give up on it) I went from a 9.9 back to the 10 I always knew I was.”

A before and after shot.  The before is the one we already saw and it is obvious the picture is poor quality.  The next photo is staged with perfect lighting with the celebrity posing the way the photographer wants them to.

“Don’t believe me?”  The celebrity asks, and you don’t.  “Check out these true customer stories.”

We get testimonies from several teenagers.  Juxtaposed to their testimonies are pictures of them before [acne product].  All of them choose not to smile and you believe that they are not smiling because they are unhappy because they have acne.  When in truth they probably are unhappy, but more so because being a teenager is just a wholly unhappy time.  Upon announcing their use of [acne product], like the celebrity above, we are shown well-taken photos of these teens.  They are now smiling, leaving us with the connection that happiness is truly skin-deep.

Leaving us with that, the celebrity wants us to call today.  But since this commercial is airing at 1130 on a Tuesday and it is on TV instead of a cell phone, we realize that the demographic isn’t necessarily the teenagers, but the parents who either have today off or a television in their office to watch daytime soaps or The Price is Right.  The celebrity wants us to be there, for the children.

“WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?”  The celebrity yells through a smile.

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